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ok, first off, i am getting over the jesse thing, it just hurts a… - How lonely is the night without the howl of a wolf
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August 2005
Mon, Feb. 14th, 2005 01:36 am
ok, first off, i am getting over the jesse thing, it just hurts a little and sometimes when i really think about it a lot, it hurst even more, but life goes on and i am not going to be upset about this forever, we are not here for that long...everything is just temporary, even our happiness. but anyways, i decided to take up the chance of calling that guy i got his phone number from when i lost a bet, and come to think of it, i didnt type it here. well it was last wednsday when my friends and i were at dennys. stephanie, jared, and i were being stupid and had the waiter give us little shots of chocolate syurp and whovever couldnt down all of it, had to ask one of the guys sitting a couple tables from us, i lost. so i went over there and talked to him and got his number, ive never done that before!! it was surprisingly easy too. so my friends texted him and then convinced me to call him. well, i taled to him today and i guess we are going to go out and see a movie. hes 20 and is a math major at the college i go to, so so far its ok, but we'll see. anyways, on friday, clinton, my ex, returned my call when i called him like 5 minutes after the ordeal with jesse and he asked what was up and i told him i feel used. he was all like, 'what about me?' and i said no and he was like oh come on, i know youre talking about me, and i was like, noo..and i told him what happened, its like he wanted me to talk about him, does he not think i am over him? and was he implying that he was using me? i know he did. so that was weird, but it doesnt end there.

at work on saturday, things started off busy and ray, the boss, was not in a good mood. but things didnt get really weird until later in the day. the two techs i work with, cathy and jen, were telling me stuff about clinton (yes he works at the same place i do but during a different shift) about how he has been defiant and doesnt like to be told what to do. sounds like clinton alright...so i was outside when the janitor dalen started to talk to me. somehow we got on the subject of clintons performance at work, and when we were done talking about that, i was about to go inside when he says,' one more thing, i heard from a little birdie that you and clinton were going out' i just looked at him and i was all like 'jen.' she told him about us, but thats not the problem...i told dalen we are nothing anymore and told him that clinton had a weird childhood and thats why he is acting the way is. then i went inside, and after that, dalen wouldnt stop talking to me. when i was outside again to get the barn truck from him, we somehow got on the subject of religion, it got to the point where i said i didnt really want to talk about it anymore because my thoughts about religion are really different and i dont want to upset anybody, but he pursued and said how sin is all aroun us and stuff. i had to be out there for a while because eventually cathy came outside and told dalen i needed the truck, so that ended, finally...so then i went back in the hospital and told cathy about how he was acting weird and kept talking to me about weird things, and then i went outside to use the truck. then when i was about to start it up, dalen comes up to me and starts talking to me about clinton. he said there are some things about him that he cant say at work because he can lose his job, he also asked me if clinton told me anything about him. i lied to him and told him no. i knew what he was trying to get at, he wanted to know if clinton told me about how dalen got in trouble for touching a minor and asked clinton to do sexual things for him for money. but i knew i wasnt supposed to talk about it either and i also didnt care to know. so when i told him clinton told me nothing, he told me he can only talk to me about why clinton and him have problems outside of work and kept stressing to me how he could lose his job if he talks about it, so i said,'if it is something you are not supposed to talk about, then i dont want to know.' i told him i dont want to get involved because i have my own problems. but he went ahead and told me everything, and more. like, i didnt know he was gay and that he asked clinton for sexual favors because he thought clinton was gay too (funny thought though!) i was rather stunned...then he left and told me not to tell anyone he told me, that lasted for like 30 minutes. i went inside and cathy and jen were there and they say i was really upset and cathy asked what was wrong. i just gave her a strange look and she was like what did dalen say? and i said i know more than what i want to know. and they both drew out what was bothering me because i told them i wasnt supposed to say anything. after cathy found out, she walked straight out to the barn and blew up in dalens face apparently. i have never seen her that mad.

anyways, i went to the front lobby and talked to jen about it and then cathy came back told me dalen i set him up which was not true so i started crying and cathy told me it was ok because she knows dalen was just trying to cover himself and then dalen came and told cathy, i want to talk to you after youre done with her. cathy just got my side and then dalen came in and cathy went mother hen on his ass, i didnt know she liked me so much. so after she told him how he wasnt supposed to day anything and how it was is fault and consdiered psychological rape because i told him i didnt want to talk about it twice, she said she has to tell ray, the boss about it. it was weird too because this creepy depressing '20s song was playing in the background. i didnt want all this to happen, i dont want problems and i dont want anyone to lose their jobs. cathy said he just felt compelled to tell me because he knew i was friends with clinton and didnt know what clinton told me about him. and on sunday, he totally ignored me and went out of his way to avoid me. ugh..clinton causes so much problems! oh well, i need to pick up my check tuesday so i guess i might find out what happened. im tired, have japanese quiz tomorrow, need to study tomorrow, and this new guy better watch out because i am not yet totally man-friendly.

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