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How lonely is the night without the howl of a wolf
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~*Save the Alaskan Wolves*~
~*Gravity Midi*~
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~*Hikari Midi*~
August 2005
Fri, Feb. 11th, 2005 01:47 pm

once again i have been burned. i really must be the type of person that has to touch the stove more than once to understand that it will always burn me. oh well. life goes on, its just that i feel so used because i was. i called him last night just to talk and we got on the subject of how in the past couple of months he has been having a hard time and but became happier when i came along. then he said that he doesnt really know what he wants and lately he hasnt been acting himself because he has just been wanting to drink, meet girls, and get laid. and that is exactly what he said. i should also mention that this last tuesday, after we went to the zoo and had dinner, we went to a liquor store bought stuff, and then got drunk. i did things i shouldnt have done, but i guess at least i didnt go 'all the way.' so on the phone, he basically told me he just wanted to have fun, and he also said he didnt want to do anything stupid again and didnt want me to cut myself like i did from my last boyfriend, yet he had fun and enjoys being with me. but way before he got to this, i knew he wanted to end it so i just asked him if he thinks all this, then perhaps we shouldnt see each other again. then he says,"i dont know, what are you thinking?" grrr...he didnt even have the fucking balls to say its over!! so i said,"let me make this easy for you, i will decide for you, lets not see each other again." "but i had so much fun with you and i dont want you to hurt yourself" he said. "dont worry about me. bye." then he said bye and that was it. i cried of course, and of course i knew what i was getting myself into, i just wasnt expecting it to be like this, sure i had fun too, but i thought this would last more than a month and i told him i didnt want to be used just for sexual purposes, but it happened anyways...i also feel that he used me just for temporary happiness, i was just a thing that brought some joy in his life and when he got bored with me, he threw me out like a piece of fucking garbage. and thats another thing! when he was talking about how he hasnt been himself lately, he told me that hes afraid that when hes with someone that he will wake up oneday and realize that hes bored with that person and then leave them. oh my fucking god! i just remembered he said that! now i am really fucking depressed, a fucking ass got bored with me....fuck men. i see why females swing the other way. i know i will get over this, but that really hurts me, i was doing ok until i remembered he said that, he didnt say that directly to me, but he was implying it about me. fuck them all. i just wanted to be with someone who wanted more than sex, nothing serious at all. and of course this all happens right aaround the fucking day i dread. fuck.

Current Mood: crappy depressed and crappy


Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 01:00 am

i was so freakin happy today!!! i was smiling all the time and laughing for no apparent reason outloud!! i love feeling like this! and i am so happy because of the other night at dennys with all those interesting people, and because of that guy zach! but since i havent really had anytime to myself, i decided to take it easy today. first i slept in a little later than usual like at 12, that was nice, i love to sleep! then i got all dressed up, went to get my hair trimmed, nothing too major, i still wanted to retain its length. and then i went to the mall and did some light shopping. i was so happy just smiling and feeling good! and when i was through with that, i ate some lunch at a restaurant in the mall and then went home. i then called daniel to see what he was up to and he wanted me to go the college so he could teach me to play magic...yes...it is a nerdy card game, but its not that bad...or is it?? lol! so we stayed there till closing at 10 and went to get dinner and just hang out at his place until i got tired and came home. oh yeah, i also got to see my dad today!! i seriously havent seen him since monday and i live with him! its because i usually get home really late, today i got home at 12am and thats the first time in awhile that i have been home that early. i didnt know how big, interesting, and amazing the world can be! i always knew there was more to life and im glad im finally getting to get a taste of it! life really can be great at times! too bad this week has gone by too fast, oh well...next week is just around the corning and i wouldnt mind repeating this week all over again! i am happy.

Current Mood: jubilant loved & enthralled to the max!


Thu, Feb. 3rd, 2005 03:12 am
oh my god!! tonight was like the best night! after my drama class, a couple of friends of mine asked if daniel and i wanted to go to dennys because they were going to have a meeting of some sort (i still dont know what it was about..) and we were like yeah! the people i met there were so awesome!! i was the funny one, but the great part was that they all were! the guy who is in charge of the thing was really cute and i totally hit on him! and it was really easy because they were the kind of loud obnoxious and hilarious people that i can relate with and opened up instantly to! we were there for 5 hours! i had so much coffee it wasnt funny! but about that guy...i know hes interested because he looked at me the majority of the time he was speaking and when we were all leaving, he said he hoped to see me again next wednesday..hehe! they are a fun bunch of people, how many other people can you talk to about tron, power rangers, and chlamydia with?! ah...now i have something to look forward to every wednesday...

Current Mood: bouncy caffeinated baby!!


Wed, Feb. 2nd, 2005 03:10 pm

im not even going to go into detail about last night...ill just say that i had fun playing laser tag last night, my codename was starwolf and i got 3rd out of 9 people! hehehe...i know how to stalk my prey. but after that, well..im not going into details, im just confused now...ugh...

Current Mood: pessimistic pessimistic


Wed, Jan. 26th, 2005 01:25 pm
well...i had an interesting night last night...but now i am not too sure if this guy i have been seeing just wants some candy, or if it is my fault by sending signals...which it probably is my fault i know. but last night we met at borders and talked and then got something to eat and then decided to watch a movie...movie...hehe..well lets just say this, i dont remember much of it.it felt like highschool or something!! but i think things got really intense because he then asked me if i had to do anything the next morning...i didnt really answer that. but i knew he couldnt wait until the movie was over, and it was a 2 hour movie. but after it finally did end, he asked me what time i wanted to be home by, and i told him that i my brother is home alone right now and he is expecting me back, which was true because my dad left for LA that morning to go to a funeral, and he still isnt back as i write. so he walked me out to my car, and this was 10 at night. he just had his arms around me and we talked for two hours! he just kept kissing my forehead a lot and playing with my hair, im not really sure if that means anything or not though. it was funny though, because we both noticed a cop car circling us about every 20 minutes or so, and finally, when at 12am we were saying goodbye, i told him im surprised the cop hasnt pulled over yet, and when we were kissing i heard a car pull up behind us, and i was like "is that a cop?" and sure enough it was!!! it was funny, all he said was that it was getting late...lol! so that was that night. hmmm...i guess i should start getting ready for class, i love learning japanese! so far i can say, "hajimemashite. ursula desu. onamae wa. doozo yoroshiku." yeah...lol!

Current Mood: giggly giggly


Fri, Jan. 21st, 2005 12:47 am

I aboslutely loved my visit to AMES (NASA). It was so cool!
My friend there took me on a personal tour and I learned and saw so much! He even took me inside and let me pilot the 757 Boeing simulator! It was fun! Except, i was a bad pilot and had a hard time landing...lol! I even saw the worlds largest wind tunnel and its huge. I even got to see a little bit of the biological research stuff like where they test on animals, that was interesting too. And of course I got to meet Sally Ride. I got her autograph on my badge!! Im so happy! Except, the ride down there was hard and i got kind of turned around when i was almost there and had quite a trip on the way back. But im glad im home. I went straight to my astrnomy class and got added in for that. And then afterwards, one of my friends told me to come by the Mainzer (a theatre) because a punk band was playing. So i decided to go because i figured i already did so much today, doing something more wont hurt. The band was ok, i drank some beer (not that bad), got a free cd, and i also got to mosh!!! So today was a funfilled adventure for me!! i think i really want to pursue my dream again of getting a job with NASA. its the one thing that really makes me happy and my one love. I love space!! Maybe i will do something in biology or psychology with NASA? well i guess i will go to bed finally...im exhausted..night

and now for a quiz...
(Please rate my quiz)

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: exhausted exhausted


Thu, Jan. 20th, 2005 12:53 am

do any of you know who sally ride is?!?!?! well you better!!! shes like the first female astronaut to go into space and i get to meet her today!! i was invited to an exclusive colloquim in mountain view, one of NASA's headquarters!!! i am so excited!!! EEEKKK!! i have always wanted to meet her!!! hehehe...i gues i should go to bed though, because its like a 2 and a half hour drive and its really complicated, i hope i dont die!!! later.

Current Mood: crazy crazy


Tue, Jan. 18th, 2005 05:27 pm
hehe...i had a fun date! first we met at this tea house where we had a couple of smoothies and there we talked a lot. but first, when i met him, i just wanted to shake his hand to introduce myself, but instead, he gave me a hug. which is kind of weird for me because im weird like that. so we ordered the drinks and then talked a lot. then he asked if i liked bowling and pool, and i said yeah. so he took me to the state college he is going to and we bowled (which i really suck at, gutter balls were my best shots..) then we played pool, which i won one game at and then lost the other...so we did that for an hour or two and then he asked me if i wanted to go eat something, i said sure, (am i a conversationalist or what?) he asked me if i was picky and i said no, but that i do love japanese food. so he took me to this kick ass japanese place called yoshinos. i love that place!!! its all sushi and the sushi is all on a belt thing that goes around!!! i love eel and raw fish. it was fun to catch my food. he helped me out in picking out the sushi, it was great...so during our conversation i brought up that i liked to play chess (which impressed him for some reason) and i then he said he plays too and so i naturally challenged him. so after dinner, we went to his house. there i met his family...i was standing in the hallway when a man behind me said "whos this stranger in the house?" so i turned around to see a somewhat bog kind looking guy and i introduced myself to him. he asked me if i knew what famous author shared my name and i said Ursula K. LeGuinn, he was surprised i knew and told jesse that i passed all the tests!! ugh! oh yeah, his dad is a lawyer too and his two younger sisters and little brother are super smart, like its not funny...in fact, i feel intimidated by them, especially when i was playing chess with his 13 year old brother and lost miserably!!! but hes good...like bobby fischer good. oh yeah, i also got to see his ex wife (i wasnt introduced which i am glad of) and saw one of her new boyfriends...scary looking guy...and his ex was kind of weird too, but not really, i think i may be a little pretty than her, hehe, females...and the reason she came over was because she dropped off their 5 month old daughter, shes a cute little girl. so after all that, he took me back to my car and i went to spend the night at my cousins apartment. that was fun too, we had sushi at another sushi place the next day. and about my date, he paid for everything!! thats just weird to for some reason because i always like to pay for things myself. oh yeah, before i got out of his car at the end of our date, he gave me an innocent little kiss on the lips...awwww!! this is like the first real date i have ever had! the other ones were just weird...well, he wants to see me again and i hope we can get together soon, i wonder where this will go...oh well, night.

Current Mood: ecstatic ecstatic